Free, Fab and 40!

I’ve created my own world that makes me happy. Embracing my thick 4c hair and playing in the Japanese Street Fashion subculture, Kawaii. The style has afforded me the fortitude to push through fear.

I transitioned because my straightened hair was unhealthy and thin. After the “big chop”, I assumed I would be immediately accepting of my new look. Nope! I thought my hair was ugly. I thought I was less attractive. Many in my circle of peers and some family members scoffed at the idea, I heard the whispers behind and amongst me. Thankfully, my loving husband cheered me on. I began to question why I felt this way? Where did this train of thought begin? I could have just stopped at the conclusion that popular society’s views of beauty was the seed of it all, however I knew it was deeper than that.

Years later I was introduced to Japanese Street Fashion and the subculture Lolita. It lends everyone the opportunity to express themselves through alternative fashion in a myriad of ways. They surrounded themselves with Kawaii (Japanese translation for cute) things and created meeutups such as tea parties, group outings for like minded folks. I got totally hooked, totally blissed out on the experience! Do I care if people stare? Not enough to stop wearing the various styles. It is annoying sometimes if people are rude about it. It’s just clothes, a different style, but hey, you can’t please everyone! We celebrate different, but do we really accept it?

I’ve been “working” on myself for a long-time. At the age of 41 it’s definitely time I live for me and accept my insecurities. I’m happier now for I am grounded. I’ve done away with hurting, blaming myself and others. Those actions created dissonance.  I can feel that my  journey of healing is in full swing now. We all exist in the worlds we create for ourselves. Mine is finally blissful (or at least it’s getting there!) Kawaii me!